Well it’s not hidden from anyone that how the divorced women in Pakistani society are still regarded as a major failure and epitome of bad-nami.
Divorce is from nowhere an encouraged or likeable act but when it’s needed badly, it should be encouraged, liked and used without any shame and hesitation.
On the situations when divorce is needed, you can have the actual Islamic guidance instead of creating and assuming your owns.
Pakistanis have some weird and annoying habit of regarding a divorced woman as an example of failure and grief. But this is not the case very often.
How a divorced woman can be grieved when she got released from an abusive or unhappy relationship? She might be the happiest after divorce and much troubled when married.
There are certain common phrases that every divorced woman hears but actually she shouldn’t.
1. “Why did you leave him?”
The divorced women always get to hear this one question. The curiosity of people and habit of interfering in others lives led them to ask every other divorced woman that, “why you even left your ex-husband?”
It’s totally understandable that there is nothing wrong with this question but this query is directly related to someone’s private matter and people want to know that, which itself is invading someone’s privacy. Totally immoral!
2. “Guzara kerti!”
Apparently Pakistani’s favourite phrase is “guzara kero/kerti!” That’s why they keep it saying to all unhappy married and divorced women. They feel very proud of those women who are efficiently following this phrase and to them, who doesn’t follow it, is “rebellious.” A divorced woman has been told that she must had done guzara no matter what.
Marriage is not something to be followed by “guzara kero” but actually it is something to be followed by “khush raho.”
3. “Were you interested in someone else?”
That’s how people hit the character of divorced women by asking them, “whether they loved someone else or what?”
It’s so easy to ask this one thing from any divorced woman, but how this query is similar to attacking her character is something we should understand.
4. “How you gonna live alone all your life?”
And how divorced or separated women are being horrified by this one thing that life is so tough and a long road which you can’t cover alone.
Hardly these people know that living alone is much better in long road of life than suffering in the married life in such long journey.
And as they say, “death keeps no calendar,” so divorced women’s lives are long journeys or not, no one knows either but Allah.
5. “It’s not possible for a woman to live without a man.”
Then comes this prediction that a woman can’t live without a man; a man is a woman’s saviour and support.
But let me tell you that woman isn’t any lesser and can live on her own. The same man who’s woman’s saviour is her abuser, the irony! No?
Being human being, whether men or women, both should depend on Allah alone and not on each other.
So, it’s better to live without a saviour cum abusive man than to ask safety from him; as he himself failed to save woman from his aggressiveness. Only safety could be given to us by our Allah, what we need is to have faith and trust on Him.
6. “Even if he was abusive, you should have stayed.”
And oh my! How insensitive one should be, to say this bullshit to a divorced woman, that she should have stayed with the abusive husband rather than leaving him.
The most annoying thing people say is, “talaaq le k sari duniya k jootay khanay se behter hai kay shoher kay jootay hi kha lo.”
To all those uttering this stupidest thing, first of all, it’s not okay to beaten up by husband, never; one shouldn’t tolerate that.
Secondly, society needs to change it’s attitude towards a divorced woman instead of horrifying her that how badly society will treat her after divorce.
7. “Are you going to marry again? If yes, then when?”
To a divorced woman who has got all the rights to re-marry, this question of either she’s re-marrying or no, is again invading her privacy and is immoral. People should learn to mind their own business.
8. “You are not a warrior as you quit.”
And how divorced woman is regarded as a total failure because of her unsuccessful marriage, is another low.
Failed marriage isn’t a standard to decide whether a person is warrior or not. Actually divorced women are true warriors as they decide to take the step of separation which requires so much bravery and effort.
9. “You are such a fool as your marriage failed.”
This is so funny and lame that a divorced woman is always regarded as a “fool” just because her marriage failed, no matter how much wise she appears to be in all the sectors of her life. Successful marriage is either not a certificate of “hoshiyari.”
10. “You failed to handle your husband.”
All the divorced women are failures in handling their husbands according to our society. Why no one ever says this to a man, that he failed to handle his wife? No, No! This never happens here.
Husband is not someone to be handled btw; he is someone to live a happy life with. You handle animals, patients, clients etc. You shouldn’t be finding the tricks for handling a husband. He’s not your patient or client; you need to find ways to understand him instead.
To all the separated or divorced women out there, don’t care a dime about these phrases and people, who are throwing them at you. Think about yourself as it’s your life, not theirs, and similarly, you have to live it, not them.