Just because I stopped chasing you doesn’t mean I stopped loving you; it only means that I am putting one foot in front and choose to free myself from the shackles and nightmares of our past, a wish that I would grant on my own.
Chasing you was like anticipating for the rain in summer, it made me realize that I am just wasting my time, energy and efforts.
Instead of waiting for you and hoping for you to come back, I’ve decided to just let it go, let you go.
There’s no point of holding onto something that I don’t have any assurance of. I’ve been your captive for how many years, and maybe it’s time for me to focus on myself now. You deal with your own and I with mine.
In need to live a happier and more peaceful life; I need to do this, not because of you or even for you but for myself.
I am not saying that life with you was just all disgrace, drawbacks, and troubles; with you, it was a combination of ups and downs but never giving up, an incredible and unstoppable mess I enjoyed creating, a rollercoaster ride that made my heart pound, an exciting journey I would never mind getting lost, and an adventure I will always miss.
But this is it—God, the universe, fate, destiny—they intervened and there’s nothing I can do to change what has happened.
If gaining the best for myself means letting you go, then I must be willing to do it. If losing a connection with you right now means opening myself to new connections around me, then I’d rather choose not to hear anything from you. If not giving you the ability to see me in my weakness means being capable and undaunted of my own frailty, then I’d give you the satisfaction that I am doing well and fine by myself.
I must grab this opportunity to grow, to recover all the time that I’ve lost, to discover new things, to create new relationships, to make wonderful memories especially with my friends and family, to achieve the things that are ahead of me, and to become this woman I’ve always wanted to be.
I can’t deprive myself of the true joy that I fully deserve.
All the tears we wept and problems we faced, they were bridges to something more extravagant, and I truly believe in that. All the stories we made, wishes that we once clung to, plans that were thoroughly laid out, and good memories we collected, shared and treasured, they were lovely things that will always be in our pasts.
They are pieces of us that no one can ever take away.
I swear, they were all true, they were real, and we were real. We were tandems you and I, but this time it’s different, it’s going to be just you and just me.
But choosing to end things with you and putting myself first doesn’t mean that I’ll stop loving you. Because in the back of my mind, you’re still there, a space in my heart that will forever be occupied by your existence.
You left a mark on me that no one could ever replace.
I’ll forever love you. I’ll love you in a way that accepts you as the person who changed me, who gave me the inspiration to make myself better as before, and to love myself even more. I’ll love you for the friendship and companionship we’ve established and shared. I’ll love you for the way you helped me through this cruel life. I’ll love you in a way that will still leave space for you, if we would ever stumble across each other 5, 10 or 20 years from now. And if we run into one another then, I’d be pleased to know your story over a cup of tea or coffee.
And what I promise to never stop doing, is to love you by praying for you, wishing what’s best for you in life and hoping that you’ll have everything you’ve been dreaming of.
Because, after all, you’re still that person who once believed in me, trusted me and loved me with all your heart, mind, and being. And you’ll always be special to me.
By (Keith Pelareja)