Page Out Of Diary Of A Girl Hopelessly In Love.

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He slept by my side while I cried my eyes out.

It wasn’t always like that.

He used to love me like I was his whole world.

But that’s not how it is now.

Maybe he got bored.

Probably he found somebody better.

Possibly I became incompetent.

I guess I just wasn’t enough.

Yet I am holding on.

I am holding on to the hope of reviving it all back.

Hoping that it will all become how it used to be.

How back in the days we were happy and together.

It is possible that we will be able to retrieve that love back.

Or maybe not.

Only time will tell.

I don’t think there is any harm in hoping.

Or maybe it is.

This hoping is what will be the end of me.

Hoping and looking forward to better days is just an illusion maybe.

What I am trying to save might already be a sunken ship.

But I’ll try.

I’ll keep trying till I drown with that ship.

Till my lungs are flooded with water and there is no breath left in me.

It seems like that it is all my fault.

It is possible that maybe I demanded too much.

Maybe I became too much.

It’s a possibility that I became a rope around his neck.

Maybe I just suffocated him and he thought that he needed to escape.

Not that I blame him.

I mean who would want a broken girl in his life.

Why would somebody want a broken toy?

When there are so many other new toys to pick from.

Again I am at fault that I ended up broken.

I could have been stronger.

Fought harder.

Maybe then I wouldn’t have been so broken.

*sigh*

A big maybe.

You must wonder why I don’t talk it out.

Why don’t I talk to my better half about it all and sort it out.

I mean I do have so many words then why not.

It’s probably because I have lost my voice.

I have lost my voice due to the fact that my earlier pleas to save us got ignored.

I got tired of speaking my heart out only for it to be ignored.

And taken as some mere boring words and rants.

He said he appreciated those rants.

He said he held them close to his heart.

But I guess that was just it.

Just another set of words sent out to the universe.

With no answer.

No solution.

I wonder now if love is always supposed to this difficult.

Is it always supposed to be this hopeless?

I hear how love makes you grow in to somebody so beautiful.

Love makes you a better person.

Maybe it’s all just in stories to mess up with our minds.

To just help us escape what love in reality is.

Despite everything I am still a girl hopelessly in love.

Still dreaming of my prince charming and castles.

Rainbows and smiles.

And maybe just maybe one day it will all come true.

Maybe.

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