When It’s Anything But Love


When it’s anything but love.

What is emotional dependency? It’s a psychological state where an individual hands over complete emotional monopoly and domination to another human being. Due to the fact that this struggle is internal , this domination hardly gets noticed or is provided the attention that it needs.

I look around and I see broken people desperately trying to fix themselves.I see marks, and bloodied bodies and shattered bones; but the panic in their eyes as they try to latch themselves onto other people is what distresses me most. Human beings have allowed themselves to depend on others for everything, they’ve built themselves houses out of flesh and blood , yet they cry when their whole world crashes around them.

Houses are concrete and walls, not two eyes and a heartbeat.

I remember asking a friend of mine why she wouldn’t leave her abusive boyfriend and she just gave me a shameful smile as she claimed that it was because she loved him. And since then, I haven’t quite been able to trust this term that everyone keeps placing on a pedestal..
It’s a lie.. It’s an illusion, more often than not, this ‘love’ is just dependence that you’ve developed over the years.

One can never tell when this ‘love’ fades away, and become a sad excuse.Most of the time it swallows you whole, crushing every ounce of self worth, self respect and self esteem that you have. The saddest part is that usually these individuals are so far gone, that they choose to stay in the abyss that they’ve learned to survive in.They live like parasites and for the most part are treated like parasites.

This condition completely makes one dependent on another human being for emotional, mental and physical gratification, which in turn leaves these individuals completely and utterly vulnerable to all sorts of abuse. Most of the time their brains choose to feign ignorance and look over all of the red flags just because of the label of love that conveniently justifies all of the actions of their partners.

The person is almost like a drug addict who is well-aware of the consequences of their addiction but chooses to poison themselves anyway. Likewise, once becoming emotionally dependent on other, a person deliberately chooses a life of emotional dependency over freedom.

In Pakistan, the numbers of these emotionally dependent people is relatively greater due to the pressure inflicted upon us by the society. We need to realize that it’s okay to walk away from a burning building, that it’s acceptable to be alone sometimes. In this quest of searching for perfect mates, and not dying alone, a large number of us have condemned ourselves to an eternity of suffering.

Sometimes the only person that you really need is yourself.


Things to remember to over come dependence:

-Recognize your needs and prioritize your happiness
-Manage your needs regularly and strategically like a business
-Love yourself.
-Constantly return to the present moment, and realize that nostalgia is a liar.
-Avoid letting other people be the sole reason for your happiness.
-Embrace Maturity.
-Don’t be afraid of letting people go.
-You Matter.
-Avoid putting people on pedestals.

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